Picture Day photo

Here is a pic of Gabe on picture day. He is waiting for his teachers to come out to get him. He loves school and willingly goes into the building with his teacher and the other students each morning. :)

Jenny's new book! Read it!

I must put in a plug for Jenny McCarthy's new book. She did a fantastic job in recapturing her struggle and journey with her son, Evan, diagnosed with Autism. On many pages, I really felt as though she were telling our story. She acknowledges the fact that all too often, Doctors do not give enough credit to our "mommy instincts." This has been the case for me so often that I regretfully admit to not giving much credit to the "instincts" of the medical experts that I now encounter. She illustrates how we, the parents of children with Autism, must rely on our own ability to research because there is no "Welcome to the World of Autism" pamphlet. She humorously refers to earning a Ph.D in "Google Research" and that is exactly how it feels!!! She captures the heartbreak and the wide spectrum of feeling we, as mothers, go through on this rocky path. I strongly recommend this book to anyone - not just those raising children with Autism. I have to end with a beautiful and eloquently written quote from her book that describes exactly how I have felt about my relationship with my son. "Is he affectionate, and does he show warmth and love?" "I was about to answer, and stopped. Time stood still at that moment. I wanted to reply, "Yes, all the time, he hugs me like all little boys hug their mommies and gives me kisses." But he didn't. I honestly had never noticed that I wasn't getting the physical love that most mommies get. I really didn't need it, because love is energy, and I felt it. His love was louder than words, and our connection was very deep. If Evan never spoke a word, I would be able to read his mind and feel a love connection that could be felt by the whole universe. I answered, "Does he show love? He is love. And I feel it every day." Thanks, Jenny!

Hi!

I couldn't believe my ears a few days ago! My son actually told someone, "Hi!" Now that may not seem like such a momentous occasion for a parent to celebrate, but it is for me!!!

As we encounter people in our daily lives, I always prompt Gabe to tell them, "Hi or Bye-Bye" without any response on his part. I figured I would keep doing it nonetheless and remained hopeful that someday he would "catch on" to these customary social interactions. We have actually been working on waiving bye as a goal in our ABA program with some success. However, Gabe still has not generalized waiving bye to anyone other than his therapist.

A few days ago, Gabe and I were walking to the car and he noticed the next door neighbors outside playing ball. He took off in their direction, running full speed through the open field. When I caught up to him (very out of breath) I did the usual prompting of, "Gabe, say hi to Roger." Neither I nor our neighbor, Roger, expected what we heard next. Gabe looked in Roger's direction, raised his hand and said, "Hiiiiiii." The most beautiful sound in the world! Of course, I hugged him and shouted praises! The look on our neighbor's face indicated he was also surprised and couldn't help but feel excitement, as well.

Later that evening, I reflected on the last time I saw Gabe raise his sweet little hand and tell others "hi." My last memory of this was in an Ihop restaurant close to our old neighborhood. Gabe was about 12 months old and was acknowledging everyone that walked by him as we waited to be seated. A few moths later, that skill completely disappeared, along with many others. My heart grows sad when I reflect on skills that have disappeared and as I can't help but wonder what might have been. However, this milestone was a ray of sunshine in an otherwise overcast day and I will bask in the warm, glowing sunlight for as long as I can!

First Weeks of School

Gabe is in his second week of school and it couldn't be going better! I was so nervous about having a new teacher. I was concerned that Gabe would be overlooked due to being the only completely nonverbal child in the class. I was also concerned that no one would recognize how much information he is storing inside that little brain of his. It turns out that I have nothing to be worried about. Mrs. Allen has put my mind at ease as she has taken the time to get to know Gabe and understands his strengths and weaknesses. She is very determined to help him learn to communicate and has commented on how much Gabe knows, even though he is unable to demonstrate it verbally. I believe Gabe will thrive this year in this special classroom. I am excited to see his progress! "Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible - the kind of atmosphere that is found in a nurturing family." - Virginia Satir

46 Vaccines???

Hep A and Rotovirus have been added to the CDC schedule for 2007 and we are now up to 43 vaccines in the first 18 months of life!!! (If you include the flu shots both prenatal and as an infant, then it is 46!)

Would you want 43 vaccines over the course of the next 18 months? Although, our bodies are fully developed and would most likely not experience the same side effects as our newborn and infant children.

Highs and Lows

The past few weeks have been filled with some challenging moments that have pushed me to search deep inside myself for a certain patience and perseverance that I never realized I possessed. Gabe's symptoms of Autism have been out of control. His frustration level is such that any slight deviation from what he anticipates happening sets him off into a complete meltdown. He screams and cries while falling to the floor, thrashing about. He will sometimes bang his head on the floor and my heart shatters as I watch my only son become so frustrated that he hurts himself. Gabe will create certain "rules" that we are supposed to follow that seem to change minute by minute. At 5AM this morning, no lights could be turned on. This was an easy one for me to figure out and adhere to. There are times when I am unable to decipher the message he is trying to convey and the result is an inevitable meltdown on his part. It's during these desperate attempts to communicate with my son that I silently call out to God and plead with him to give my son the ability to speak.

What keeps me going as I travel along this weary journey are the special blessings I receive in the midst of severe bouts of depression. Just last weekend, Gabe repeated the phrase, "I love you." He has since repeated it several more times and this means the world to me. My heart swells with joy and delight when my precious son spontaneously lavishes me with affection that I have craved for several years. I have waited so long for his little arms to wrap tightly around my neck and give me the best hugs I have ever received. When Gabe wraps his arms around my neck and presses his little cheek next to mine, I am revived and refueled for the dark times that I know lay ahead.

Summer BREAK???

As the summer days have grown unbearably long, life in our home has been operating in what we like to call "survival mode." The weeks that Gabe is out of school can be absolutely grueling! Without the consistency and structure of school, Gabe's symptoms will increase in intensity and frequency. During these difficult times, sleep becomes a precious commodity to be valued. Gabe already struggles with extreme hyperactivity even on his best days and I have lovingly nicknamed him the "Tasmanian Devil on speed" during these seemingly endless summer days. Gabe has a talent for being able to be in several places at once - or at least it feels that way at times. During a typical summer day, I may decide to begin a load of laundry when Gabe is playing contently with his cars. On my way back by the place Gabe was playing just minutes earlier, I immediately notice he is gone! I am instantly visited by that familiar feeling of dread. Oh no! Did I remember to lock the refrigerator? The answer becomes glaringly obvious upon entering the kitchen. The refrigerator door is wide open and an opened carton of eggs is sitting on the counter. Thick streams of goo are spilling over the carton, down the cabinets and landing in a large pool on the kitchen floor. Egg shell remnants are scattered all over the floor and most of the eggs in the carton are cracked, as well. Where is the creator of this messy masterpiece? I call out Gabe's name, although I know he will not respond. Then I hear the sound of running water coming from the back bathroom. Sure enough, there is Gabe splashing and laughing as the sink quickly fills with water. Water has already begun to run down the cabinets and out onto the counter. His clothes are soaked, but he is as happy as can be. I try to look at this as an appropriate transition into getting him into the bath to wash off the raw egg that remains on him. While he plays in the tub, I sop up the water around the sink and make a dash to the kitchen to clean up the egg catastrophe. As I clean, I make quick darts to the bathroom to check on Gabe. In one of my "check-ins" I see more puddles of water, this time coming from the bathtub. Gabe is pouring out water all over the floor and onto clean towels. I dress Gabe and he runs off squealing into the front part of the house. Once again, I sop up the pools of water in the bathroom and then walk into the kitchen area where Gabe is lining up items from the fridge on the table. He obsessively has to have his favorite drinks and other random food items out and lined up on the table. When he is in this mode, it's very difficult to stop him. Removing just one item can send him into a complete meltdown. Another obsession that creates for some messy situations is his need to dump out water bottles and basically anything filled with a liquid. Our floors stay covered in towels as I soak up one spill after another. Our day will continue in this fashion with me always three steps behind him. There have been incidents involving applesauce and matchbox cars, pla-doh, floor cleaner, baby powder, the dog's water bowl, etc... How is he able to be in so many places at once? How does anyone move that fast? I know that I am not the only one counting down the days until Gabe returns to school. He longs for that structure and ability to predict what will come next. Although, I feel like I am the one working myself into complete exhaustion trying to keep up with him, he is working just as hard attempting to cope with his unstructured day. A lot of what he does is an attempt to adapt and also a means of coping with sensory issues. He's not doing these things to misbehave and I have to remind myself of that - often!!!